My Hand

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My hand reaches out for yours

The way the tides reach for the shore

Whether you’ll reach for it or not, I’m not sure

But, I’m sure your hand is what I’ve longed for

You reached for it

And I’m like a rose stung by its own thorns

I didn’t beg for it

But, when our hands touched, I was reborn

My hand was the last hand that you reached for

The last hand that overlapped with yours

The last hand you touched before you opened her door

Before you told her “Baby, you are mine and I am yours.”

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Dear Future Prince

If you are going to fall in love with me, you should clearly know what you’re putting yourself into.

Falling in love with me means falling in love with my fears, doubts, insecurities, and sudden mood swings. You are falling in love with my immaturity and sometimes nonsense and pointless thoughts.

If you are going to fall in love with me, you are falling in love with my imperfections. You should expect the unexpected food cravings that would only stop when I finally get what I want. Sometimes I would either eat your share or let you eat my left overs. You should know that I always put my fries in my burger or I dip them into my ice cream.

If you are going to fall in love with me, you are falling in love with my love for rice because it always completes my meal.

I could also be too loud sometimes and I really joke a lot. I don’t know if you like that.

I also have lots of friends who might steal our time. Sometimes, you might feel bad about it and you might question your place in my life. I am a girl who gives so much importance to friendship. Do not try to change that. But, don’t worry, I know how to compromise. I need you to know deep inside your heart that no matter how many friends I have, you will always be different; you’ll always be special.

Also, please know that I am not the easiest person to love. I have my flaws and doubts when it comes to love. Sometimes I give my all but sometimes I hold back. You should be ready for my occasional loneliness and for my constant need for love and assurance…and hugs.

You should be ready for more surprising little facts about me. You might not like all of them. Lastly, if you are going to fall in love with me, you are also falling in love with my strong love for God. You are falling in love with my strong desire for us to serve Him together. You should be ready for Friday nights and date nights spent in church. Because you can’t have me if you don’t have God.

I hope that despite all these, you will still love me anyway. Because if you are falling in love with me, you are falling in love with a love that can send you off your feet. The kind of love you never knew existed. You are falling in love with my desire to love you the best way I know and the best way I could.

You are falling in love with my comforting hugs.

You are falling in love with the glow in my eyes whenever I see you. I will look at you like you are brighter than the stars in the sky.

I will write about you a lot.

You are falling in love with consistent goodmornings, goodnights, and anything in between.

You are falling in love with my thoughtfulness and understanding.

I wouldn’t expect and demand too much from you. I will respect your personal space because I know that sometimes, you gotta do what you gotta do and I am expecting you to respect mine, too. There will be times that I just want to spend time with myself because I believe that it is essential for growth. I will let you achieve your dreams and anything that you desire trusting that we know the value of time.

If you are going to fall in love with me, you are falling in love with my sometimes crazy family. But, of course, I will fall in love with yours too.

But, the best thing about falling in love with me is that you are falling in love with someone who is falling in love with you too despite her fears and doubts. Someone who will crash her walls for you and most of all, someone who will open her heart to be loved by you despite her thinking that it is impossible.

You will be my first and definitely my last.

I loved you even before I met you.

Now tell me, can I be your princess?

Let’s make love last longer than we can ever imagine.

Praying for you,

Prologue

So I was there, staring blankly into a blank Microsoft Word page, thinking about a way to start a love-hate letter. I stared at it for too long that I almost became cross eyed. I don’t even know what I’m looking at anymore. I guess there’s no perfect way to start this kind of letter. I don’t know which part should come first, the hate or the love part. After a few minutes of staring at it blankly, I wrote the first word. It was his name. Just the sight of it gives me butterflies in my stomach and a heavy heart. I almost went numb. I shrug some unwanted thoughts off my head. But, the next thing I know, I’m pressing ‘backspace’ on the keyboard deleting what I just wrote. Then, I clicked on the ‘X’ on the upper right side of the screen to close the application.

“Do you want to save some changes?”
Save. Don’t Save. Cancel.

I clicked on “Don’t Save”. That was it. I am, once again, left with nothing but my unspoken words, unwritten letters and my ever silent screams and heartaches. I secretly succumb to self-destruction. I really thought that it is impossible to break a broken heart but there you are again killing every single part of my heart that feels alive. But, I made a choice. Don’t save. I chose not to save my heart.

Dear Brokenhearted Man

Before I begin let me tell you that the purpose of this letter is not to hurt you again (since sabi mo isa ka sa mga nasaktan ko), not to remind you why I didn’t give you the chance that you asked for and not to refresh your memory of all the heartaches that I caused you since you started to like me. And please don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to sound “feelingera” or something. Haha!

The main purpose of this letter is to make you understand it more why it didn’t work out or why I didn’t give you the chance to prove yourself to me. And hopefully, at the end of this letter you will find yourself moving on (just in case you’re still in the same place where it ended before it even began) and enjoying what life has in store for you.

I would like to apologize for hurting you or for breaking your heart in any way. Please know that there is no easy way to break somebody’s heart and my heart breaks a little every time I break one too. But, it’s not an excuse to play with people’s feelings or give them false hopes just to avoid hurting them. One day you’ll thank me for breaking yours when you finally found THE ONE. You’ll understand why it didn’t work out with somebody else. A friend once told me “Ang love hindi yan exam na pwedeng pag-aralan.” No offense but we can never convince our heart to beat for a person that doesn’t make our hearts beat faster than usual. Some people are really better off as friends. You know what I realized? I realized that there will really come a time that we will fall in love with someone who pushes us away. After everything, they will be forever known as the person who we couldn’t get to love us no matter what we do and it normally hurts more than the heartbreak we got from broken relationships. But, never ever let it erase all the memories of those who loved you in the past. Just because a particular person didn’t love you back doesn’t mean you are not worthy of someone else’s love because you are. When someone rejected you or turned you down it doesn’t mean that something is wrong with you. It just means that someone else is made for you and it’s not that person whom you desire. Love gives us the power to choose whether we will hurt or love someone. And, hurting you doesn’t make me a bad person. I am not apologizing for being true to myself and to you; I am apologizing for your pain caused by my honesty. I believe that someday it’s gonna make sense and you should believe that too. I am sorry for disappointing you and if I gave you false hope and wrong signals at some point. I am sorry if I turned you down for so many times. I am sorry for all the invitations that I declined and I am sorry if I can’t like you the same way that you do. Nothing’s wrong with you. You are fine. Maybe you are just made for someone else. Maybe someone else deserves the love you have to offer and I hope you meet her soon.

I would also like to thank you for your appreciation. I never wanted to call it “love” because love is such a deep word and it takes time before you can actually say that you love a person. I appreciate that you appreciate me because not everyone does. I appreciate how you notice the little things about me, how you notice that something is wrong based on my FB posts; I appreciate how you notice the little changes I made with myself and you never fail to make sure that I know it. You noticed when I cut my hair and told me it suits me, you notice it when something’s wrong and you always find the courage to ask why. I appreciate how much you paid attention on little things about me. I appreciate your effort to make me feel special in any way you can. I don’t know if I already thanked you for that but just in case I haven’t, here it is, thank you.

To end this, I wish you all the best in life and in love. Nobody deserves to get hurt and be stuck on that painful scenario forever so I hope that you love again. I hope that someday, you will bike around somewhere, you’ll stumble and by the time you get up you will see the girl of your dreams extending her hand to help you get up from the ground. I hope that you will reach for her hand and you will let her help you. Everybody deserves to be loved. There is someone waiting for you at the end of the road and that someone is some kind of reward for all the heartaches that you’ve been through from the past for loving the wrong ones. You deserve that love because you earned it. Once you find this love, hold on to it. This kind of love won’t ever leave you behind. You are entitled to this awesome kind of love so go get it. It’s yours. Wait for it. It will be epic. I assure you that. May God bless you and your heart.

Sincerely,

Me.

Dear Future Lover

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Let me sing you a Michael Buble song that best describes my process of waiting for you. This song is just perfect and it gives me goose bumps every time I hear it. It goes like this….

 I know someday that it’ll all turn out

 You’ll make me work, so we can work to work it out

I promise you, kid, that I give so much more than I get

 I JUST HAVEN’T MET YOU YET

I might have to wait

I’ll never give up

 I guess it’s half timing, and the other half’s luck

 Wherever you are, whenever it’s right

 You’ll come out of nowhere and into my life

And I know that we can be so amazing

And, baby, your love is gonna change me

They say all’s fair  In love and war

 But I won’t need to fight it

 We’ll get it right and we’ll be united

<3 <3 <3

I don’t know where you are right now or what you are doing or who is with you but I know someday our paths will cross at the right time, right place and right moment. I bet it will be epic. I don’t care if I’ll bump with you in a mall or I’ll meet you at a common friend’s party or you’ll offer a seat in Church or maybe you’ll just accidentally dial my number, the point here is, you’ll meet me and I’ll meet you. “You’ll come out of nowhere and into my life.” That will be the start of our happily ever after.

To be completely honest, I am not praying for you. Well, okay, I prayed for you once and I never mentioned it to God since then. I trust His plans and I know He’ll send you to me when my heart is ready and when that time comes I will know that you are the one. There will be no doubts or hesitations or fear. It would be like magic. Timing is everything and our timing will be perfect. By that time, I will let go of all my fears and doubts because I know you will be worth the risk. I will not be afraid to give it a shot and we’ll both be happy.

But, for now, I am still having the time of my life with my family and friends. I don’t think I need you now to be happy. Although I know that it’ll be happier if I have you but let’s just be happier later. I guess I’ll just see you soon and I promise you when that time comes it will be amazing. I just haven’t met you yet but I know you will be worth the wait and one day I will wake up next to you and kiss you good morning and sleep next to you and kiss the day goodbye.

Wherever you are right now, whatever you’re doing and whoever is with you, I will just be right here waiting for you. Find me if you can.

xoxo,

Your Future Lover