How are you? I am so glad I finally had the chance to write to you.
HAPPY NEW YEAR! I know it is eight days late but it doesn’t matter.
I would like to pat your back for a job well done. You survived 2013. You survived one long year of not being home. A lot of life altering moments happened last year, right? I bet it was a memorable year for you. You deserve more than a pat on the back for that.
You’ve been through a lot last year. Last year was all about epic highs and devastating lows. You spent half of last year miserable and I almost thought you can’t get over it. I almost thought you’ll spend the whole year regretting everything, holding grudge against people, cursing people silently, fighting that battle in the silent chambers of your soul, wishing you could turn back time and do things differently, wishing you didn’t trust people that much, wishing you were a different person. Well, you know what? I am glad you didn’t wish to be a different person because, believe it or not, I love you just the way you are. You are a strong woman with a very high tolerance to bullshit and that helped you survived half of 2013. Then, you decided you will cut your hair shorter than usual. You were afraid and hesitant but you went for it. That was the birth of the same old brand new you. Unsure of how it would look on you, you still gave it a shot and do you remember how light you felt after that? It felt like a big chunk was taken out of your head. It felt like you unloaded a big mess that has been pushing you down for years. That haircut symbolizes the new person that you decided to make out of yourself, the better version of yourself. Then you decided to continue with the Christian Life Program of your church and you couldn’t be happier now because you did. It changed your life. It was your life’s turning point and the timing was so right. You got the chance to spend the other half of the year feeling great, feeling better and less miserable. You’ve learned to forgive people and let go of the pains they caused you. You’ve developed this different outlook in life. You started to see things differently. You met people and friends you never knew you needed. You had to sacrifice some people in your life for this and I know you’re still unsure if it’s worth it but I know you feel a lot better now. It’s like you suddenly saw the light at the end of a dark tunnel. And, you found a new best friend, Jesus Christ. And I know that you know now that the only one who can satisfy and fill that missing part in your heart is the one who created it. Go on. Develop that special bond with Him. That’s all you’ll need to have a spectacular 2014.
Every year in your life comes with lessons. Some lessons you will have to learn the hard way but some would be as easy as 1-2-3. What have you learned last year?
Let me refresh your mind.
You learned a lot about life, about love, and about yourself. Last year was not a walk in the park but each experiences taught you a lesson that you’ll never forget and lessons that will be useful to you in this brand new journey.
You learned that it always rains the hardest on the people who deserve the sun because life has this cruel way to let us grow sometimes. But, wrong choices bring us to the right places. Sometimes we have to get in to get out. Sometimes we have to try in order to know because what and if are two simple words but could be so devastating when put together. You realized that you don’t want to live a life that is full of regrets so you went out of that dark cloud of emotions that has been boxing you up for the past years. You gave life a chance and you realized how happy it could be if you let happiness in. You also learned to maximize your happiness. You let go of self destruction. You stopped being too hard on yourself. The moment you realized that there is no way out you learned how to adapt because that’s the only thing left to do. If you don’t get it, you don’t get it; That’s what you constantly tell yourself until one day you didn’t have to remind yourself about that anymore. You learned to shrug everything off. You just woke up one day and it gets better. You just woke up that you are not broken anymore. But, who are we kidding here? You also realized that feelings that come back are feelings that never went away. You still have those days; Days when you do not even want to talk to any person on this planet (yes, not even yourself.) That’s alright because life is not perfect. Things sometimes fall together and sometimes they fall apart. That’s alright. You’re going to have those days. It reminds you that you can still feel. You are alive. And please remember what Ezra Fitz said “You must give up a life you planned in order to have a life that is waiting for you.” Reach for it. Go with it. It will be awesome because everything happens according to the will of God. Live for the moment. Be sad if you feel sad but do not forget to put an end to it. Leave it for a while; It will be there when you come back. Have a life that is worth writing about. Make that dash between your years matter.
You changed your job twice last year. Finally, you went out of your comfort zone because it is doing you no good. It wasn’t that easy switching from one job to another especially in a country where switching jobs are more complicated than love. You learned that going out of your comfort zone doesn’t guarantee you a spot in the list of people who are about to live a good life. You realized that leaving a place that makes you feel miserable doesn’t mean you will not be miserable anymore. The choices you made for your career aren’t very smart choices but you are dealing with them and you are doing it very well. You still have a long long way to go before you made it to the list. I am not even sure if you’ll get there. But, screw everything. Buckle up and just enjoy the ride. Mistakes are teachers and you can’t undo them. The only thing left for you to do is to learn from them. Make them right. Your life is not measured by what you do for a living. You won’t be judged by how successful you were when you’re still alive. You have a life outside your job so at the end of a head popping day at work, have fun. Forget about your crappy boss, forget about your unproductivity, forget about your annoying clients and officemates. Yes, your work takes too much of your time so don’t spend the few hours left feeling crappy. When you step out of that office door, you’re a brand new person. And, please be reminded that it’s your choice to stay in that job so do not complain. I am hoping you will find the courage to quit sometime this year. Goodluck!
Well, hello there! This is new to me. I can’t believe I am writing about this now. I couldn’t remember the last time we talked about this. Last year was the year when you put your guards off; The year when you opened yourself up for this crazy little thing called Love. How was it? Bittersweet? Oh, honey, that’s okay. Remember what you used to say over the years? “I want to experience my very first heartbreak before I fall completely in love.” Wish granted. haha! Should I tell you now to be careful what you wish for? It hurts, isn’t it? Do you still remember that feeling? It feels like all the butterflies in your stomach just died. Not to mention that you were not even in a relationship. How depressing is that? I can’t help but laugh at you. Sorry. I knew he was trouble when he walked in. He is nice and I would still choose him over any other boys for you. But, don’t you think we should accept the fact that he isn’t the right one for you? Or maybe God is still busy working on it; God is still busy making him the right one for you. Yes, I know, you really thought you had the chance. He was nice and sweet and thoughtful and everything that you wanted him to be but some people are really better off as friends. I know he made you feel that you have a chance to end up together and it is not your fault that he didn’t have the balls to catch you when you fell for him. How stupid are you for falling for him? Didn’t you realize that no matter how right you are for each other, it’s just never gonna work out because he is somewhere else. No matter how hard you pray for it, if it’s not meant to be it will never be so instead of succumbing into self destruction again and doing those crazy things like feeding your stuffed animals or imagining movie scenes in your head, you might as well try this thing called moving on. Maybe someday he can man up and tell you he likes you,too. Take a break from him. Stop talking to him, stop looking at things that remind you of him, delete his photos on your cellphone, delete his messages, stop asking questions that start with ‘what if’, stop being there for him when he finally had the chance to squeeze you into his busy life, forget about the nice things that he said, forget about him because you know what? Letting go hurts but holding on hurts more. Stop being his doormat. Never let him play with your feelings again. Ever. You deserve so much better. It could still be him but a better version of him because yes, he really is nice and he is the first man that you actually liked so I hope God will enlighten your path towards each other. But, for now…move forward. Don’t think that you are not good enough. Nothing is wrong with you. The timing is just off. Maybe it will be right someday.
Let me tell you this… (I don’t own any of these words but I thought they could help.)
Find someone who traces the lines in your hands just to feel close to you. Find someone who loves the bones in your body and loves the skin you live it. Find someone who will help you love yourself. Find someone who looks at you like you are magic. It’s always better to have beasts that let themselves be killed than men who runaway. You may not be the easiest person to love but love was never easy and only courageous man can love. Never fall in love with a coward. Because you deserve flowers on your doorstep. You deserve notes left on your dashboard. You deserve honesty everyday. You deserve to be reminded how beautiful you are. Don’t hate yourself because you don’t see yourself sleeping peacefully. You don’t see yourself getting excited over things you really love. You don’t see yourself smiling. I think all the things you do are beautiful. So, wait for the person who pursues you, the one who will make an ordinary moment seem magical. The kind of person who brings out the best in you and makes you want to be a better person. Wait for the person who will be your best friend, the only person who will drop everything to be with you at anytime no matter what circumstances. The person who will be brave enough to let the whole world know how much he loves you. Wait for the person who can make you smile like no one else and when you smile you know that they need you. Wait for the person who is not ashamed to show you off the world when you are in your sweats and a t-shirt. And most of all, wait for the person who will put you at the center of their universe because that’s where you belong. Someday, someone will receive the love you can give and give it back to you as well. Someday, someone is going to look at you with a light in their eyes you’ve never seen, they’ll look at you like you’re everything they’ve been looking for their entire lives. Wait for that person. Someday, you’re going to have someone who forgets who he is when he is with you. Someone who can make you forget everything else. Someone who does the most random thing just to make you laugh. Someone you can fall asleep with and wake up to. Someone you can joke around with and end up smiling everytime. Someone who is going to give you that feeling of happiness again. But, for now, do not hate what you don’t understand. Maybe someday you will understand why things can’t work out for you. Someday, you will find someone who loves you, cherishes you and values you. But, they have to know your value in order to value you. They can only know your worth if you know your worth. So, don’t let this break you. Someday he’ll realize that he should have bought you flowers and held your hands; Given you all his hour when he had the chance. But, for now, just stand up, put your head up, wipe your tears, put your red lipstick on, comb your hair, smile and walk away. You are now a heartbreak closer to loving that someone because he loved you first and because he loves you more.
For now, let’s work on having an awesome 2014.
Loving you always,
2014 Version of you